Jabby little teeth

I seem to be out of words.

I sit down to blog, but there’s nothing there. There are personal things I could rant on about, but that feels a little too close to the bone and obvious and, and…And that leaves me not knowing where to start. I self censor to the point of muteness.

And then I thought about the courses I’ve taught, and how many of our quick writes start with just a word. So that’s what I’m going to do to get myself writing again. (I can’t seem to get into the headspace to begin my next manuscript, either).

I’m going to use the Word of the Day at Merriam Webster and simply see where it takes me. Like this…

balkanize

1 : to break up (a region, a group, etc.) into smaller and often hostile units

2 : divide, compartmentalize

This was a weird fit today. I’ve been fighting the black dog all week, its jabby little teeth nipping at my already moth eaten confidence. And in order to keep moving I have to compartmentalise. I have to focus on my manuscripts and words and the gym and movies. Anything that muzzles the black dog for even a moment. But it’s always there in the background, a dark region spreading over the shadow of my soul and kept at bay only by forced balkanisation, where the regions shift and grind against one another in an ever present battle for the essence of what is left of me.

Perhaps, one day, they will be less hostile toward one another, these balkanised regions of me.

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