I’ve been away for a while. Did you miss me?
No, I’m sure you didn’t. Because you’re off living your life, staying indoors, wearing a mask when you go out, doom scrolling through the internet, eating too much of everything…and so on.
But I have been away. After I got COVID in May it took me ten weeks to recover, and although it would have been useful to use that time to write, I simply couldn’t focus. Before I got the virus I went on new anti depressants, and the side effects were intense as my body got used to them. So really I’ve been non functional since the end of April.
But I’m back! I feel human again, and just in time to use the beautiful new writing studio my wife built us. It’s cozy and comfy and a little garden sanctuary where we can go just to be in our own creative space. And last weekend I picked up my work in progress and started tapping again. And it was exciting and scary and like meeting up with people I haven’t seen in a while. I’m always awkward, so the meeting was awkward, but that’s to be expected. As I spend more time with them I’m sure we’ll grow more comfortable with one another. Maybe even develop some banter, who knows?
One of the things messing with me is the possibility that this book is too big for me—that my level of craft as an author isn’t good enough to do the book justice. Neil Gaiman said he felt that way about a book he conceived of at 20, and so he set it aside…for twenty years, until he knew he wasn’t going to get any better.
I don’t have another twenty years to wait. So it’s now or never, and I just have to give it all I have.