Reflective surface pumpkin head

A blotchy pumpkin head, ageing and spreading. A bloated bag of wind. A revolting, unappealing mixture of bumps, rolls, and general grossness.

That’s what I see in the photos lately, and I hate looking at myself so much it makes my stomach churn and my eyes water. I avoid any reflective surface so I don’t get a glimpse of the disgusting creature I spend my days inhabiting.

I work out every day. I’m watching what I eat more often.

But I can’t get clothes baggy enough to hide in. The skirt I always turned to that made me feel pretty now just feels like a way to exhibit the lumpiness of my potato body.

Add to that a severe lack of memory and general ditziness and…well. Perhaps I shouldn’t be foisting all that on the world. And my poor wife. I don’t know how she can bear to look at me, repulsive as I must surely be.

I’m loud, awkward, confused, stupid, tired, sick, dumb, unaware, too serious… so many things.

I hope that the one saving grace is that I’m kind. I hope I am, anyway.

It’s a rough night. This too shall pass, right? Maybe tomorrow I won’t hate myself quite as much.

2 thoughts on “Reflective surface pumpkin head

  1. You are kind, thoughtful and beautiful.
    We love you just the way you are. If you don’t feel it on the inside know that it will pass.
    You will hear a bird sing or a train go by in the distance and suddenly know that you crooked world has straightened up. Big hugs x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re right, it’ll pass … and return, and pass, and so on … being truly human in today’s really fucked up world is not for the faint of heart. Nevertheless, we breathe, we love, and we do the best we can each day, even if that best is simply taking the next breath.

    Liked by 1 person

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